Wednesday, January 11, 2012

six week assessment

As long as I'm standing here with the larva in a shoulder sling, rocking back in forth in front of the laptop on top of the piano, I might as well try to get some thoughts down real quick and dirty-like.

I remember nearly nothing about the first few weeks of the first child, which makes me wonder if this is all going to disappear from the memory banks too, but the second time around it does seem distinctly easier, even with a 17-month-old complication running around at our feet.

We have photographs of empty city streets from around 6 weeks of J's life, with time stamps proving I was striding purposefully around the neighborhood blocks from home hours after the bars let out, still trying to get the kid to sleep. Never had the douchey bars of the West Town avenues beckoned with such burning promise as they did that summer, even though I hadn't been going to places like that for years. Shit, I felt yearning when I passed groups of friends barbequeing in their yards that summer, as if I would never again do anything but rock a crying baby. But beyond what's documented in photographs, some family visits that I know happened, and a few other episodes that have a definite referent outside our home lives, the period from mid-July till nearly Halloween of 2010 is pretty much blank.

Taken together, the evidence suggests that sleep deprivation is not nearly as bad this time around. I know for a fact, being in the middle of it, that I haven't spent hours walking the streets, or even the hallways of the apartment, trying to get anyone to sleep. I also know that, due to the physical realities of nursing, E has spent a lot more time awake than I have and is definitely more worn down than me, but overall, the net household sleep debt is much improved on the second go-round.

Oh hey, big brother is awake. We'll finish this another time, then.